Being Real

So I've been thinking about what I was going to blog about tonight. Not sure why, but insecurities came to mind. I know alot of us struggle with insecurities in some form or fashion. I think we get really good at hiding them and covering them up with what appears to be confidence. But it can get really tough covering up and not letting out the true you.

I remember being so insecure in who I was. Just in my physical appearance and in my capabilities. I never really had been told that I could truly be what I wanted to be and that I was special. Insecurities can be Satan's way of holding us back. And sometimes those insecurities have more power over us than what we realize. I don't think I have ever been to the point I am now. I know now that I am special and that it's not what I can become but who I am now that makes me special. Knowing that God loves me right now and not for who I may become. And I really don't know the exact time period that I came to this realization. I know it's been about 1-2 years ago so fairly recent. For the longest time self esteem was a struggle for me. Being confident in who I was and not letting others affect my opinion of myself was very tough.

I remember being especially consumed by what other's thought of me as James began his first ministry as Senior Minister. Sometimes we let Satan plant things in our minds that never came from anyone but out own insecurities. If we allow him, Satan will tell you that you are worthless. That you are crazy for thinking that you could accomplish that one goal or that dream. And once we listen to him enough, we start believing that. Becoming a minister's wife was not easy for me. I had such a wonderful role model growing up for a minister's wife. But as I transitioned into "the minister's wife" I found it quite nerve racking. All of a sudden I felt like I had to be perfect and that I had to become a leader. I have not always been the leader type but I find myself becoming that more and more as I grow in Christ. I remember being so consumed with what other's thought of me while James was in that ministry. And all of those thoughts were irrational. I allowed Satan to use my insecurities and hold me back from accomplishing so many things for God. Now granted, I'm sure there were people that did not "like" me or did not find me the ideal minister's wife but I have quickly learned that it's not about pleasing everyone and making everyone like you. It's about being who you are no matter who you are around. James' first ministry was such a growing point for me and I was surrounded by wonderful people during that time. But as I grow and look back at the experiences we have gone through I see God working in me in ways I never thought possible.

God has taken those insecurities and absolutely thrown them away!! Of course I still have my moments, I mean who doesn't? We all have an area where we need to improve on. But I find that the closer I get to God and the deeper our relationship becomes, my insecurities get farther and farther away. All of those doubts that I once had, are faded memories. God has given me good people in my life. And that's part of the battle. You need people in your life that are encouraging to you. You have to make sure you are building your circle of support up of people that will build you up and give you that constructive critism when the time is right. You also have to realize that the people who bring you down constantly may not be the ones you need to spend all of your time listening too. Let's face it, we all tend to listen a little more to the negative but I encourage you to try focusing a little more on the positive. Just take a step back and look at who you are, insecurities and all. And know that it's okay for people to see that you are not perfect. It took me a long time to get to that point but who was I kidding? People already knew I was not perfect!! Please know that it takes more strength and more courage to let your insecurities through than it does to show your strengths. Our world views showing your insecurities and failures as weakness. But it's not until you can face those insecurities that you will truly become strong. God needs you to be you. The people around you need you to be you. I never realized how much I was carrying on my shoulders all those years I was trying to be someone I was not. But now that I am who I am and people accept me for that I am so much happier. So much happier than I was when I felt like I had to be perfect. Now I know and understand that I do not have to be perfect and that it's actually important for others to see that. People need to see that you do make mistakes but that you learn from them. So become who you are no matter who's watching. Don't get caught up in the idea that as a Christian you have to appear perfect. God takes you for who you are and don't forget that! Life is much better when that burden has been lifted. Trust me!