Something Personal

As I thought back to the reason I started this blog, it was to be real with people. For others to see what is inside of me. I mentioned in another blog about my husband losing a job a few years back. I want to share some of the things we went thru during that time and the lessons learned.

James was a preaching minister at a church where he had served just shy of two years. I remember my husband calling me at work and telling me that there was an emergency meeting being held at church that night. I remember hanging up the phone and having this "pitt of my stomach" kind of feeling. My intuitiion was telling me he was going to lose his job. Even as I sit here, it's tearful to think about what my husband went thru.

I remember getting home that evening and James and I having to run out to Walmart. We decided that we were going to try our best to get our minds off everything going on. We enjoyed our time out and I remember heading back home and just having that feeling of something bad that was about to happen. I went home while James went to this meeting. I remember going home and crying and praying to God that he would be with James. That he would guide him in his words and his heart. I also told God that I felt like I already knew what was going to happen and that I was prepared to stick by James no matter what and that I knew God would lead us and provide for us. I was so torn as to why a church would come to this point with my husband. Someone I knew inside and out and his heart. In my eyes, and still today, I view my husband as such a passionate person when it comes to serving Christ. But in this situation, his passion did him harm at this particular church.

James came home from the meeting that night and when he walked in I knew what had happened. We sat down and talked about the meeting and things that were said. James let me know that he was asked to resign and to draft a letter to the church about his resignation. And something to bring up about this letter that my husband wrote, it was full of nothing but gratitude for the time God allowed him to serve at this church. There was no anger and no harsh words to anyone and that letter showed me the type of man he was. But James went on to say the reasons how this all occurred. The elders had reported it was because a member in the church said she would not return anymore if he was still preaching. The elders let James know that his previous Sunday sermon was too straight forward and what this member had said in regards to it. And I'll never forget his strength that night and how comforting it was to me to see him that way. Now please dont misunderstand me. I know there were things that James did not do that had been requested of him. So please dont find me writing this as if he had done absolutely everything right in that ministry.

So after that night, all we could do is look ahead and pray for God to lead us. Little did we know the journey that was before us after that night. James was confident that he would find another ministry soon. But one month led to months which led to a year and more. James sent out resume after resume in search of a new ministry to be a part of. I continued working in Mental Health. Oh, and one very important piece I have yet to mention is I was 3 months pregnant at the time James lost this job. We had just announced the pregnancy 3 weeks before to the church. So as you can imagine, this was a bitter sweet time for us. After several months of James not finding a ministry, we decided that we needed to move in with my parents while I continued working and he continued searching. And this move in itself was a whole other chapter in our life. We'll call it Humility :)

We lived with my parents for 5 months. It was how we were able to live off of my salary and allow James time to find employment. But as we continued this journey of not knowing what was next, we went thru so many emotions and lessons. James learned who his true friends were, which I really think was the hardest lesson of all for him. And as his wife, I found it very difficult to watch him learn that. We learned lessons of humility. Knowing that it's ok to ask for help when you're in need. Lessons of growing a marriage in the most difficult time. There's no doubt this was the most difficult trial me and my husband have been thru yet, but one thing we both know is that we grew stronger as we went thru it together. We learned that God does not always lead you down a path that YOU think is best. That was something else my husband found difficult to deal with. My husband's heart was for the ministry and his gifts were clearly for the ministry. But as he continued his search for a ministry he ended up finding employment working in the Substance Abuse field. One that he never thought God would have desired for him. But as James continued working in this field he learned so much. Not only learning the job, but learning that his heart was growing for the people that he worked with. Offenders on probation with drug addictions. He was finding a new passion that he did not know was there. James has now been working in this field for 2 1/2 years and he wouldn't have it any other way.

There's so much that is left out of this story and our trials, but one thing I know is that during that time our hearts were completely broken. I personally struggled with anger for about 2 years after this situation. Something that does not normally bother me. I'm the kind of person that quickly gets over things and moves on. But this struggle was very personal to me. I felt like my heart had been ripped out by people I trusted dearly. I had never spent so much time crying and praying the way I did. And not only did this experience affect me and my husband, but I was now carrying a child. But God provided me with a lesson in dealing with anger and learning to move on in a situation that I thought I would never get over my anger for. I felt deeply that my husband had been hurt for unnecessary reasons but as I grew in my faith and moved on, I realized that God had other plans for him. Plans that might not have ever been followed unless these events had occurred.

Though so much has been left out, I know that I can look at my husband today and know that it was all worth it. My husband is working with people who truly need God and truly need a life change. God has also recently blessed me and my husband to be part of a wonderful church with people that we love. He's now serving as a youth minister on the weekends and it's so refreshing to see him back in a field he thought he was done with. Now my husband serves the Lord in all he does regardless if it's a paid ministry or substance abuse work or time with his family and friends. I'm so proud of him and the way he has used this trial. I thank God for this trial and how He has molded us as a couple and as a family. Madison was how God kept my heart happy through it all. I feel like she was my "joy" baby. I have told James so many times, I dont know what would have kept me going as strong as I was if it wasn't for knowing that I had a sweet baby on the way. God continues to bless us beyond measure in our life and I'm thankful for a God that jerked us in shape and got us down a different path in His timing.