Juggling Act

I'm beginning to see a pattern here. Second day in a row I have come home and started to wind down by having a few oreo cookies and some milk...gotta break this before it becomes a habit. So today has been an interesting one. One of the roles I juggle on a daily basis are the roles as a mother and an employee. One minute I found myself on the phone with my husband about the babysitter calling and then on the phone with a treatment provider talking business only to do it all over again while at work today. It's such a balancing act when you desire to be such a good mother yet need to be a good employee as well. Days like today really get me thinking about that.

There are so many things I desire to teach my child. One thing I want her to grow up knowing is that she is worth everything in this world and more. I want her to know how important her life is to us as her parents but to also know that she is so very special. I love to see her excitement about things we do. She gets so excited about going down a slide or eating a piece of chocolate or going to Walmart. She gets super excited when she gets to go to church and see all her friends. But something I think about on a daily basis is am I doing everything I can to make sure I guide her in the right direction. Am I spending enough time with her, am I providing her with the right meals to be healthy, do I make her feel loved even when she's not with me. And I think it's something alot of mothers think about and maybe more so with mothers who work out of the home. I admire mothers who stay home with their children. It's such a blessing to be there each moment to take care of them and for that child to have that security that she gets to be taken care of by her very own mother or father. But not all families are able to do that. James and I when we first found out I was pregnant was looking at our budget and making some changes so that I could stay home with Madison. I was so excited because I longed to be a stay at home mom. Our situation quickly changed as James lost his job three months into my pregnancy. Such a difficult situation that I will save for another blog. But long story short, we no longer were able to look at our current budget but had to drastically change it.

So that brings me to where I am now, working for a company doing substance abuse work. Such a rewarding job, but even so, I have my days I wish I was sitting down with Madison reading a book or playing outside with her. And it's taken me some time to realize that I do not need to feel bad about this or to feel guilty that I'm not always with her. It's ok that I work outside of the home and that my child has a babysitter who keeps her. It's ok that i'm not always with her and that other people help take care of her. It's something I have prayed about so long and even prayed at times that I would be able to stay home but it's just not feasible.

Being a working mom I have found to be a remarkable blessing. In the work I do, I am able to help people on a daily basis. And it's not just something I find a small thing, I find it to be huge. I am so blessed with the life that I live and am reminded of that daily when I meet with people who have struggled with addictions to alcohol and drugs for most of their life. I find it so sad in situations where it could have been different if the mother or father had learned to be a better role model. But that's not always the case. So I look at my job as another calling God has given me. If my clients do not have positive role models in their life then God has put me in their life for that reason. It's amazing the paths God leads you down if you let Him. I would have never in a million years picked substance abuse but it's where I am now and my passion grows for this work the longer I am in it.

So my daily juggling act is worth it and I know that I am putting in every effort to be a wonderful mother and a good employee. My plans for life do not always pan out but when they don't I always know there's something coming around the corner that God is putting in my path instead. And I've decided that's probably a better way to go ;)