Slowing Down

It's a Sunday morning and I woke up feeling a little unprepared for my morning. I was thankful I had read the entire lesson for my children for Children's Church but I realized Friday evening that I had left the copy of it in my office at work which is 50 minutes away. But that's okay, my memory is working so far!

We get so busy that it's only natural we forget things. Goodness knows, I'm forgetting things all the time. I'm even in the process of buying some "fish oil" vitamins to help my memory!! But when I woke up this morning I also had vacation on the brain. It's been such a long time and I'm ready to slow down and enjoy some time away with the family.

My husband's family lives 12 hours away so we rarely get to see them. That's our plans for this year, hoping to make our way to Ohio. We're even thinking about going to Cedar Point Theme Park just to go have a blast!! When we go up that way, we always drive. There's always the option of flying, but I absolutely love road trips!! I'm the kind of traveler that likes to stop when ever we see something we want to do. Not the kind that just drives the whole way non-stop. Madison does very well on road trips. I think she's got a little bit of her mom in her!! So I'm ready to get some dates set so that I have something to look forward to. It's coming up on that time of year where everyone begins taking vacations and it makes it a little harder going to work, but as long as I know my vacation is coming we're good!!

I'm also hoping to find a few days to fit in to go up to the cabin. It's so relaxing to go up there and it's perfect when you're just tired of the constant on the go that life brings. So our goal this year is to slow down and take a vacation. Last year didn't work out for an actuall vacation. We did get in a few trips to the cabin and that was a blast but we're hoping to get away and spend some time with family that we have missed dearly.

I hope everyone has a great Sunday. Looking forward to a day with church family and hoping to also get somethings done this afternoon that were not able to get done yesterday. Enjoy your day and if you're like me, make it a good one before the work week starts again!!

B O O B L E!!!!!!!

Tonight I am just finding myself simply content. It's been a busy week with it's up's and down's. But I'm so incredibly blessed. And of course with it being Friday is also an added blessing!! Sometimes it's an amazing thing to just slow down and count your blessings. As I started counting our blessings tonight I realized that I could seriously go on and on.

Sometimes we are forced to focus on our blessings when we hear of other's tragic stories. Sometimes we focus on our blessings when our hearts are just overfilled with joy. I find myself doing a little of both tonight. Sometimes I wonder why God has chosen to bless our life so much and spare us of so much. But I will continue praising God for our lives for both the good and the bad for it's the bad times that makes us appreciate the good times so much more.

Tonight I was really excited that Madison wanted her bedtime stories to be read by mommy!! Normally it's a Madison and daddy thing for stories and bedtime. But tonight Madison pleasantly surprised me with a "Mommy will you read me stories?" And of course I went running upstairs right behind her!! She's such an amazing joy to have and it was so wonderful reading with her. We were reading different books from the Dr. Suess collection and we came across the word "doodle" and she stopped and began spelling the word as she saw it by spelling each letter as B O O B L E...it blew my mind!!! She was trying to spell the word and she almost had her D right but had every other letter right!!! It just showed me how important it is to spend time reading to your children. Madison has grown so much with her vocabulary and learning her colors and letters since we have increased her book time. We are actually looking for a book shelf for her room to redo and paint because her book collection is growing!!

So obviously I'm on cloud nine cause my little girl decided she wanted her mommy time tonight to end her day before falling asleep. She's growing up so much and I'm so proud of her. I hope that God looks down on me as His child and is also proud for what I am doing with my life. I love God so much and find it very important as a child of God to please Him. I pray that as Madison grows that I will be the example she needs to grow up into a woman of God.

Something Personal

As I thought back to the reason I started this blog, it was to be real with people. For others to see what is inside of me. I mentioned in another blog about my husband losing a job a few years back. I want to share some of the things we went thru during that time and the lessons learned.

James was a preaching minister at a church where he had served just shy of two years. I remember my husband calling me at work and telling me that there was an emergency meeting being held at church that night. I remember hanging up the phone and having this "pitt of my stomach" kind of feeling. My intuitiion was telling me he was going to lose his job. Even as I sit here, it's tearful to think about what my husband went thru.

I remember getting home that evening and James and I having to run out to Walmart. We decided that we were going to try our best to get our minds off everything going on. We enjoyed our time out and I remember heading back home and just having that feeling of something bad that was about to happen. I went home while James went to this meeting. I remember going home and crying and praying to God that he would be with James. That he would guide him in his words and his heart. I also told God that I felt like I already knew what was going to happen and that I was prepared to stick by James no matter what and that I knew God would lead us and provide for us. I was so torn as to why a church would come to this point with my husband. Someone I knew inside and out and his heart. In my eyes, and still today, I view my husband as such a passionate person when it comes to serving Christ. But in this situation, his passion did him harm at this particular church.

James came home from the meeting that night and when he walked in I knew what had happened. We sat down and talked about the meeting and things that were said. James let me know that he was asked to resign and to draft a letter to the church about his resignation. And something to bring up about this letter that my husband wrote, it was full of nothing but gratitude for the time God allowed him to serve at this church. There was no anger and no harsh words to anyone and that letter showed me the type of man he was. But James went on to say the reasons how this all occurred. The elders had reported it was because a member in the church said she would not return anymore if he was still preaching. The elders let James know that his previous Sunday sermon was too straight forward and what this member had said in regards to it. And I'll never forget his strength that night and how comforting it was to me to see him that way. Now please dont misunderstand me. I know there were things that James did not do that had been requested of him. So please dont find me writing this as if he had done absolutely everything right in that ministry.

So after that night, all we could do is look ahead and pray for God to lead us. Little did we know the journey that was before us after that night. James was confident that he would find another ministry soon. But one month led to months which led to a year and more. James sent out resume after resume in search of a new ministry to be a part of. I continued working in Mental Health. Oh, and one very important piece I have yet to mention is I was 3 months pregnant at the time James lost this job. We had just announced the pregnancy 3 weeks before to the church. So as you can imagine, this was a bitter sweet time for us. After several months of James not finding a ministry, we decided that we needed to move in with my parents while I continued working and he continued searching. And this move in itself was a whole other chapter in our life. We'll call it Humility :)

We lived with my parents for 5 months. It was how we were able to live off of my salary and allow James time to find employment. But as we continued this journey of not knowing what was next, we went thru so many emotions and lessons. James learned who his true friends were, which I really think was the hardest lesson of all for him. And as his wife, I found it very difficult to watch him learn that. We learned lessons of humility. Knowing that it's ok to ask for help when you're in need. Lessons of growing a marriage in the most difficult time. There's no doubt this was the most difficult trial me and my husband have been thru yet, but one thing we both know is that we grew stronger as we went thru it together. We learned that God does not always lead you down a path that YOU think is best. That was something else my husband found difficult to deal with. My husband's heart was for the ministry and his gifts were clearly for the ministry. But as he continued his search for a ministry he ended up finding employment working in the Substance Abuse field. One that he never thought God would have desired for him. But as James continued working in this field he learned so much. Not only learning the job, but learning that his heart was growing for the people that he worked with. Offenders on probation with drug addictions. He was finding a new passion that he did not know was there. James has now been working in this field for 2 1/2 years and he wouldn't have it any other way.

There's so much that is left out of this story and our trials, but one thing I know is that during that time our hearts were completely broken. I personally struggled with anger for about 2 years after this situation. Something that does not normally bother me. I'm the kind of person that quickly gets over things and moves on. But this struggle was very personal to me. I felt like my heart had been ripped out by people I trusted dearly. I had never spent so much time crying and praying the way I did. And not only did this experience affect me and my husband, but I was now carrying a child. But God provided me with a lesson in dealing with anger and learning to move on in a situation that I thought I would never get over my anger for. I felt deeply that my husband had been hurt for unnecessary reasons but as I grew in my faith and moved on, I realized that God had other plans for him. Plans that might not have ever been followed unless these events had occurred.

Though so much has been left out, I know that I can look at my husband today and know that it was all worth it. My husband is working with people who truly need God and truly need a life change. God has also recently blessed me and my husband to be part of a wonderful church with people that we love. He's now serving as a youth minister on the weekends and it's so refreshing to see him back in a field he thought he was done with. Now my husband serves the Lord in all he does regardless if it's a paid ministry or substance abuse work or time with his family and friends. I'm so proud of him and the way he has used this trial. I thank God for this trial and how He has molded us as a couple and as a family. Madison was how God kept my heart happy through it all. I feel like she was my "joy" baby. I have told James so many times, I dont know what would have kept me going as strong as I was if it wasn't for knowing that I had a sweet baby on the way. God continues to bless us beyond measure in our life and I'm thankful for a God that jerked us in shape and got us down a different path in His timing.

His Little Reminders

This has been one crazy day. It started out to be what I thought was going to be one of those days you really arent in the mood to be at work. I really did not want to hear the problems that some of my clients would bring in today. But my day started to perk a little bit when I drank a bit of caffiene and decided that regardless of my attitude, I'm at work!! God always has a way of shaping my attitude just when I need it but little did I know how He would do so today.

Sometimes our actions are being watched more closely than we realize. Our interactions with people mean more to them maybe just more than we know. Well today was such a special day for me. I get to work and I do my daily routine of checking some things, talking with some clients, only to then check my (non work related) email and have a very special email waiting for me. This email was addressed to me and my husband. It was the kind of email that doesn't just get read and then deleted, it was the kind that you read, and then you re-read, and maybe even print out!! This email was God's reminder for me to keep pushing no matter what and that me and my family were making a difference for Him. We don't always get to see how our life has helped someone else, but I did in that email today and it brought tears to my eyes.

This email came to me on a day where I just did not feel like coming in but did because that's what I'm paid to do. But after meeting with a client who was truly motivated to become clean of his cocaine addiction, and then reading that email from a special friend, I knew God had a purpose for me even on this one day. My heart was so incredibly touched that this person took the time to write me and my husband such a heart felt email. It also made me so very happy because I look for oppurtunities to encourage my husband and I knew this would be good for him. We all need reminding of the good work we are doing on occasions. Just to know that we are making a difference.

Knowing that my friend now understood that she did not have to carry her burdens alone and that God truly loved her for who she was, just made me ecstatic!! Knowing that she understood the difference between being married to being in a marriage that God is the center of. Knowing that her life now held so much more meaning!!

I don't know why I get surprised at things like this, God is such an amazing and wonderful God. He has never let me down. There have been times when I thought He was letting me down but down the road I quickly learned it was a detour only to a road that was even better and made for me. I'm ever so thankful for God and how he continuously guides me along a path guided by Him. I'm so very thankful for my friend who has so many things before her but now knows God is there to carry the load for her. I'm thankful for a husband that finds serving the Lord so very important and makes it evident in his actions. I'm very thankful for my daughter who has just made my heart over flow on so many occasions today. And I'm thankful for the people that read this blog and are part of this venturing out journey for me. Thankyou!!

A Day For You

So it's the beginning of another work week and I'm home sick. There's always been something about being a mother that you have to sacrifice those little things in order to take care of your child, but one thing that I find I give up alot is my sick leave from work! So here I am home from work scraping the barrell of sick leave hoping to have just enough for me!! Why is it that we mothers do everything we can to take care of everyone else but forget to take care of ourselves in the meantime. I find that I'm the world's worse when it comes to taking care of my health.

It's so important that women do everything they can to take care of themselves. I find that so many women run themselves ragged before they realize they need to slow down. And dont worry, i'm not the expert on taking care of yourself by no means, i'm quite the opposite. I dont slow down until my body makes me, which is not the way to do it. We go a million miles an hour taking care of the house, the children, responsibilities at work and church, and all those other extra things that manage to slip in. And you know, we really can't blame anyone but ourselves. I realize that I do have the word "no" in my vocabulary but perhaps it's not used near enough. I find that I want to help everyone out and that saying "no" may seem like a bad thing. But as I get a little older (will not venture to say wiser just yet!!) I find that it's just as important to take care of ourselves as it is others. What good are we to others if we are too busy taking care of everyone else and drive our health into the ground. So as I write this, I am hoping to begin taking much better care of myself. I am working on telling myself that it's not a bad thing to slow down and to also schedule things in my day that are just for me.

If you are like me, you schedule everything else first, and then if there is any time left, you may look at scheduling something in for yourself. But almost always, there's that last minute phone call of someone asking you to do something that gets put into that timeslot that was going to be for you. So as we think about our schedules, lets look back to when we actually took some time for ourselves. And no, being sick does not count. I'm talking the last time you actually had a day to yourself.......and if you're like me, you're probably having trouble remembering the last time. But how about from today on, let's look at our schedules and take the initiative to schedule one day a month (you can do more but this is a starting point) where it's all about you. I know i'm quite simple in the things i like to do. When the whole family is home, the tv is on and there are toys out and constant conversation, which is great, but when it's a day to myself, I want to stay home, turn the tv off, and read, maybe clean house. I know some of this does not sound relaxing, but it's how I relax. If I can just have a day where I can do things at a slow pace. Maybe go in and clean that bedroom just the way I want it or maybe I will have the tv on and have a chic flic in to watch!! But either way, it's a day just to wind down. We all need those days. It's vital to our health in every way possible!!

So I'll save all the other things we need to do to take care of ourselves for another blog (because I know you're just dying to hear my opinion!! )but atleast see what you can do to put this first one into play. I know I will. And this is a hard one to put into practice. I have been trying for a while but I find that I soon forget that i'm suppose to be scheduling myself time and here we go again with that busy schedule. But as I go back to why I'm writing this at this time of day it's because i'm home from work sick. My body has had enough and it's truly my own fault why I am sick. We have to take care of ourselves and be proactive with our health!! So good luck venturing out with taking care of yourselves!! It's ok to say "no" to some of those requests made of you and it's ok to have a day entirely for yourself!! No guilt required!!

Roll With It

It's Saturday morning, my favorite time of the week. Saturdays are especially my favorite when there are no plans. Today's plan for me is to get out of the house with Madison and let James stay home and finish recooperating from being sick. I'm excited about it being mommy and Madison day. Those are the best!

So far this morning I've been spending it studying my lesson to teach the K-2 for Children's Church. It's been a while since I have taught this age and I'm almost finding it difficult to prepare for. This age is so much fun to teach though. All the fun crafts and activities are always a blast. I remember when I was in college and even a few years after graduating that this was my absolute favorite age to teach. But I wonder if our passions change as we get older. I use to love working with the little ones, and not that I dont now, but I see that my passions have changed somewhat. That too I feel is God's way of guiding you at different stages in your life. It's so important to listen to God and to not assume that you will always find joy in the same thing forever. Some people will. Some people will always have a passion for the same thing their entire life and they will grow in it. But I find that God is using me at different stages in my life. God used my earlier passions to prepare me for what would come next. I'm comfortable teaching children and I find it's enjoyable and almost a break from reality, especially with the little ones. But as I continue serving God I see my heart turnings towards a different audience. And I'm gonna "roll" with that. There's always something exciting around the corner when it comes to trusting God. Not always an easy road to follow but I find it so rewarding. I'm so very thankful that God has given me the grace to allow me to continue on this earth and grow in Him and make every effort to serve him with my abilities.

I hope everyone has such a wonderful Saturday! These are my favorite days and I'm looking forward to having a day with Madison and catching up on the time I didnt get with her in the week. She's such a blessing!!

Juggling Act

I'm beginning to see a pattern here. Second day in a row I have come home and started to wind down by having a few oreo cookies and some milk...gotta break this before it becomes a habit. So today has been an interesting one. One of the roles I juggle on a daily basis are the roles as a mother and an employee. One minute I found myself on the phone with my husband about the babysitter calling and then on the phone with a treatment provider talking business only to do it all over again while at work today. It's such a balancing act when you desire to be such a good mother yet need to be a good employee as well. Days like today really get me thinking about that.

There are so many things I desire to teach my child. One thing I want her to grow up knowing is that she is worth everything in this world and more. I want her to know how important her life is to us as her parents but to also know that she is so very special. I love to see her excitement about things we do. She gets so excited about going down a slide or eating a piece of chocolate or going to Walmart. She gets super excited when she gets to go to church and see all her friends. But something I think about on a daily basis is am I doing everything I can to make sure I guide her in the right direction. Am I spending enough time with her, am I providing her with the right meals to be healthy, do I make her feel loved even when she's not with me. And I think it's something alot of mothers think about and maybe more so with mothers who work out of the home. I admire mothers who stay home with their children. It's such a blessing to be there each moment to take care of them and for that child to have that security that she gets to be taken care of by her very own mother or father. But not all families are able to do that. James and I when we first found out I was pregnant was looking at our budget and making some changes so that I could stay home with Madison. I was so excited because I longed to be a stay at home mom. Our situation quickly changed as James lost his job three months into my pregnancy. Such a difficult situation that I will save for another blog. But long story short, we no longer were able to look at our current budget but had to drastically change it.

So that brings me to where I am now, working for a company doing substance abuse work. Such a rewarding job, but even so, I have my days I wish I was sitting down with Madison reading a book or playing outside with her. And it's taken me some time to realize that I do not need to feel bad about this or to feel guilty that I'm not always with her. It's ok that I work outside of the home and that my child has a babysitter who keeps her. It's ok that i'm not always with her and that other people help take care of her. It's something I have prayed about so long and even prayed at times that I would be able to stay home but it's just not feasible.

Being a working mom I have found to be a remarkable blessing. In the work I do, I am able to help people on a daily basis. And it's not just something I find a small thing, I find it to be huge. I am so blessed with the life that I live and am reminded of that daily when I meet with people who have struggled with addictions to alcohol and drugs for most of their life. I find it so sad in situations where it could have been different if the mother or father had learned to be a better role model. But that's not always the case. So I look at my job as another calling God has given me. If my clients do not have positive role models in their life then God has put me in their life for that reason. It's amazing the paths God leads you down if you let Him. I would have never in a million years picked substance abuse but it's where I am now and my passion grows for this work the longer I am in it.

So my daily juggling act is worth it and I know that I am putting in every effort to be a wonderful mother and a good employee. My plans for life do not always pan out but when they don't I always know there's something coming around the corner that God is putting in my path instead. And I've decided that's probably a better way to go ;)

Goal 1

As I sit here with my oreo cookies and milk, the first thought that comes to mind is this is going well with my weight watchers plan. My second thought, however, is this has been one of those days when I probably could have stayed at home and gotten the same amount of work done! Guess we all have those days. Very excited about posting this next blog post. I kind of look at this blogging as a step towards some goals that I desire to reach. Do you ever have those goals in the back of your mind that have probably been there so long you could blow dust off of them. Well I have those but the cool thing about my goals is they are actually my passions. I have to be honest with you, me spilling out things I desire to reach is pretty scary. As long as I keep my goals to myself I don't have to worry about anyone keeping me accountable to them...lame, but it's true!! So even as I write this I wonder if I should spill out my goals to the world!! My biggest fear is that someone will actually make me do them one day! But maybe that's what I need. God has given me some very weird passions in life. Weird in the sense that not just everyone desires to do such things. So I ask that as you continue to read this that you grab on to the bottom of your chair, lazy boy, bean bag, exercise ball (yeah right), etc. and prepare for a goal you don't hear every day!

Do you ever go to events where you watch someone perform certain acts that you wish you could do? Maybe you are keeping up with the Olympics and you are blown away by some of the athletes and the capabilities. Maybe you want to learn to play guitar and every time you watch someone else play, you think "I wish I could do that" or "I wish that was me up there playing". Maybe you're watching a runway model and you're thinking, "I wish I looked that good in my clothes" and just for the record, anorexia is not the way to go and no it is not sexy!!

I strongly feel that God gives us passions for things that he longs for us to follow. Maybe it's kind of His way of guiding us. I can go to Women's Conferences and absolutely enjoy the fellowship with the women there. Such a wonderful thing when all the women can get away from the daily responsibilities and let loose in a large crowd of women!! I'll never tell what we talk about!! Well one thing that goes on in my mind (that I'm pretty sure is not going on in everyone else's mind) is I really think I could be the speaker for events like this. I've always, well maybe not always, desired to take more of a leadership role in things. I find that when I take a step back from things, I tend to not utilize all of the gifts God has given me and I also find that leadership can be a form of accountability for me. It forces me to have to do things to the fullest and ensure that I am setting the example for others that are following. Taken on such a leadership role such as being a main speaker at a women's conference is huge!! But I can't erase this passion inside of me or desire that I have to do so. Even in college, I absolutely loved it when it was my turn to do my chapel talk. I always remember hearing most of my friends talk about how much they dread it. I would start working on mine long before it was time for me to speak. And something else I've noticed is I do not always fear getting up in front of people. I'm comfortable with it for the most part but still get nervous. So there you have it, one of my goals is to be able to speak to women. I desire to start up women ministries that are a support group for women. I had a friend who thought she was attending something like this but when she attended she found out that it was actually a meeting where events are planned. This is not a bad thing but I realized that women ministries are really needed where women spend time talking about what's going on in their lives and spend time in prayer. Bringing a bunch of women together is unreal. Especially when they are so use to being caught up in such busy schedules or if they are someone who is very lonely and desires to just get out of the house. We women can build each other up and encourage one another like no other group can do. I find it so important for churches to have women ministries. Women are such an asset to the church and need the constant encouragement and accountability of other women in the church. Not only in church do women need this, but it's important that in the work place and at home that women feel supported. Sometimes we form the closest bonds with those we work with because we are spending 40 hours a week there. It's kind of hard not to form some kind of bond.

So there you have it, I could go on and on about my thoughts on this subject but I would really be getting off topic (like I'm sure I have already). I'm really enjoying posting my thoughts and getting some things out there that I have needed to say. Sharing this with you is not easy but is necessary for me as I desire to make closer steps to my goals. God has done such amazing things in my life and led me down paths I would not have chosen and I will not stop now allowing Him to lead the way.

Venturing Out

So I start off my blog with kind of an explanation to why I decided to start one in the first place. I titled my blog page "Venturing out". I found this title very appropriate being I am typically a private person when it comes to personal struggles, hence the name "personal". But as I grow in life as a mother, a wife, and most importantly a Christian, I find that I have to be real. In other words, know that it's ok for others to see when I struggle. As I continue to get older and watch my daughter grow, I realize that she will be watching me and how I deal with problems. If she never sees me having problems, who will teach her how to deal with them. I have a facebook account that I keep updated on a regular basis. I almost always have very positive facebook account statuses, and it's not something I do on purpose, it's second nature. It's who I am but please know that there are struggles that I face. So I'm venturing out into something that is not second nature for me. Sharing my struggles with the world as a Christian woman who is trying to make it as a supportive and loving wife, an awesome mother, a faithful friend, a loving daughter, a dedicated employee, and the list goes on and on. So as I venture out into the blogging world and share some of my thoughts on things, I ask that you also pray for me in situations that you read. I hope that something I write may be helpful to you as well. Maybe you completely understand what i'm writing and where I'm coming from. Feel free to comment on things as I post them. I'm really excited about stepping out and doing this.

Trying to get the hang of this blogging...second post...first post lost somewhere...