If we lived in a world that required no money I would be a stay at home mom. And even after today, yes, I would still want to stay home. But I really find myself laughing at the adventures of today. I decided to take today and tomorrow off from work. I have noticed Madison needing some extra time with us so I decided it was more important to ensure that she had that time with us than to stick to the normal schedule of work and then home. Today was not the ideal stay at home day though. Normally when I'm home with Madison it's a fairly good day but something happened right about 3:30....shortly after the nap that did not happen.
Now we all have our ideas of how it would be like to stay home with our children and then there is reality of course. I have always had high respect for mothers who stay at home. I wish there were more that did. I have had the desire to be a stay at home mom for a while now but I caught myself laughing today when I thought about that. Right after Madison decided that she was not going to take a nap the girl went off the hook!! It was kind of funny yet not at all at the same time. Even though she layed down like I asked her too she did not fall asleep. And if anyone knows how to actually make your child fall asleep please share but otherwise, she did atleast lay down. But once I let her get up it was crazy from there. You would think that someone who normally gets a nap would have less energy when they go with out one. But that's not the case with my child, atleast, not as she gets older. Madison decided this evening that it would be fun to chase mommy around the house. Now of course that wasn't my idea of a fun time but I went with it. Thought maybe it would wear her out even more for bed time. Nope...she just kept going. Running, playing in her room, playing with her princess castle in the living room, playing ball...shall I go on? And to make this evening even funnier (ok so now it's not funny any more...) she's decided that she is not going to sleep tonight. This is the second night in the row the child has done this. Madison typically does very well with bed time but it's been a battle the past two nights. So apparently I am now struggling with bed time with my 3 year old...that makes no sense for a 30 year old to struggle with a 3 year old by the way. Something else I am struggling with is knowing as a mom how to handle your child in public. If she doesn't do what I say when we're outside of the home I have to have the strength to discipline her no matter where we are at. That's not always easy. Sometimes we just want a nice dinner but with a three year old you never know what you're going to get.
So with the stay at home thing verses working...I know what's on my mind when I'm at work...you know, "man I wish I was at home" but don't get me wrong. I am so looking forward to being home with Madison for the rest of the weekend cause she is my joy!! But I'm going to be brutally honest. Working a job that requires 40 hours of my time is much easier than being a stay at home mom 24/7. Being a stay at home mom never stops! It's a 24 hour a day job. I get to go to work Monday thru Friday and then come home to spend the evening with Madison. Though I am still a mom no matter where I am, and I still check up on my child through out the day, I have someone else watching her. When I go to work I am in my own office. I meet with client's who I schedule to meet with me. I have a schedule that typically is pretty routine. You can have a schedule with a child but there are going to be plenty of days where that schedule is not carried out.
Now don't go hating me cause I'm being honest about being a mom. Being a mom is absolutely one of the best things I have done. I love it and I love my child but there are moments we have to all be honest. I have a lot of fun with her but let's just say I was thankful today to have a job outside of the home!! And I praised God for that thought actually because as a working mom I want to be content with working. I don't want to find myself at work completely hating being there and just wishing I was at home...if that were the case I would be miserable. So I am thankful that I have a job that is very important. I am thankful that when I am at home I have an amazing family to be with then when I'm at work I have people that truly need me to be there. I'm sure every working mother understands exactly what I'm saying...or maybe I'm the only one. But being a mom is not suppose to be easy. No mother is better just because they stay home with their child or because they work outside of the home. It's what you are doing with your child when you are with them. Making sure you are giving them the attention they need and that they know you love them. Having the respect from you child to follow directions when you give them. That can be a hard one. But all of us parents are on a constant learning phase. Even those with older children who have grown and moved away. We are constantly learning as parents. I just pray that God helps me out with this bed time routine a little sooner than later ;) Bedtime has normally been a simple thing but as Madison gets a little older I'm noticing bedtime to be somewhat difficult...pray for me!!!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Being Real
So I've been thinking about what I was going to blog about tonight. Not sure why, but insecurities came to mind. I know alot of us struggle with insecurities in some form or fashion. I think we get really good at hiding them and covering them up with what appears to be confidence. But it can get really tough covering up and not letting out the true you.
I remember being so insecure in who I was. Just in my physical appearance and in my capabilities. I never really had been told that I could truly be what I wanted to be and that I was special. Insecurities can be Satan's way of holding us back. And sometimes those insecurities have more power over us than what we realize. I don't think I have ever been to the point I am now. I know now that I am special and that it's not what I can become but who I am now that makes me special. Knowing that God loves me right now and not for who I may become. And I really don't know the exact time period that I came to this realization. I know it's been about 1-2 years ago so fairly recent. For the longest time self esteem was a struggle for me. Being confident in who I was and not letting others affect my opinion of myself was very tough.
I remember being especially consumed by what other's thought of me as James began his first ministry as Senior Minister. Sometimes we let Satan plant things in our minds that never came from anyone but out own insecurities. If we allow him, Satan will tell you that you are worthless. That you are crazy for thinking that you could accomplish that one goal or that dream. And once we listen to him enough, we start believing that. Becoming a minister's wife was not easy for me. I had such a wonderful role model growing up for a minister's wife. But as I transitioned into "the minister's wife" I found it quite nerve racking. All of a sudden I felt like I had to be perfect and that I had to become a leader. I have not always been the leader type but I find myself becoming that more and more as I grow in Christ. I remember being so consumed with what other's thought of me while James was in that ministry. And all of those thoughts were irrational. I allowed Satan to use my insecurities and hold me back from accomplishing so many things for God. Now granted, I'm sure there were people that did not "like" me or did not find me the ideal minister's wife but I have quickly learned that it's not about pleasing everyone and making everyone like you. It's about being who you are no matter who you are around. James' first ministry was such a growing point for me and I was surrounded by wonderful people during that time. But as I grow and look back at the experiences we have gone through I see God working in me in ways I never thought possible.
God has taken those insecurities and absolutely thrown them away!! Of course I still have my moments, I mean who doesn't? We all have an area where we need to improve on. But I find that the closer I get to God and the deeper our relationship becomes, my insecurities get farther and farther away. All of those doubts that I once had, are faded memories. God has given me good people in my life. And that's part of the battle. You need people in your life that are encouraging to you. You have to make sure you are building your circle of support up of people that will build you up and give you that constructive critism when the time is right. You also have to realize that the people who bring you down constantly may not be the ones you need to spend all of your time listening too. Let's face it, we all tend to listen a little more to the negative but I encourage you to try focusing a little more on the positive. Just take a step back and look at who you are, insecurities and all. And know that it's okay for people to see that you are not perfect. It took me a long time to get to that point but who was I kidding? People already knew I was not perfect!! Please know that it takes more strength and more courage to let your insecurities through than it does to show your strengths. Our world views showing your insecurities and failures as weakness. But it's not until you can face those insecurities that you will truly become strong. God needs you to be you. The people around you need you to be you. I never realized how much I was carrying on my shoulders all those years I was trying to be someone I was not. But now that I am who I am and people accept me for that I am so much happier. So much happier than I was when I felt like I had to be perfect. Now I know and understand that I do not have to be perfect and that it's actually important for others to see that. People need to see that you do make mistakes but that you learn from them. So become who you are no matter who's watching. Don't get caught up in the idea that as a Christian you have to appear perfect. God takes you for who you are and don't forget that! Life is much better when that burden has been lifted. Trust me!
I remember being so insecure in who I was. Just in my physical appearance and in my capabilities. I never really had been told that I could truly be what I wanted to be and that I was special. Insecurities can be Satan's way of holding us back. And sometimes those insecurities have more power over us than what we realize. I don't think I have ever been to the point I am now. I know now that I am special and that it's not what I can become but who I am now that makes me special. Knowing that God loves me right now and not for who I may become. And I really don't know the exact time period that I came to this realization. I know it's been about 1-2 years ago so fairly recent. For the longest time self esteem was a struggle for me. Being confident in who I was and not letting others affect my opinion of myself was very tough.
I remember being especially consumed by what other's thought of me as James began his first ministry as Senior Minister. Sometimes we let Satan plant things in our minds that never came from anyone but out own insecurities. If we allow him, Satan will tell you that you are worthless. That you are crazy for thinking that you could accomplish that one goal or that dream. And once we listen to him enough, we start believing that. Becoming a minister's wife was not easy for me. I had such a wonderful role model growing up for a minister's wife. But as I transitioned into "the minister's wife" I found it quite nerve racking. All of a sudden I felt like I had to be perfect and that I had to become a leader. I have not always been the leader type but I find myself becoming that more and more as I grow in Christ. I remember being so consumed with what other's thought of me while James was in that ministry. And all of those thoughts were irrational. I allowed Satan to use my insecurities and hold me back from accomplishing so many things for God. Now granted, I'm sure there were people that did not "like" me or did not find me the ideal minister's wife but I have quickly learned that it's not about pleasing everyone and making everyone like you. It's about being who you are no matter who you are around. James' first ministry was such a growing point for me and I was surrounded by wonderful people during that time. But as I grow and look back at the experiences we have gone through I see God working in me in ways I never thought possible.
God has taken those insecurities and absolutely thrown them away!! Of course I still have my moments, I mean who doesn't? We all have an area where we need to improve on. But I find that the closer I get to God and the deeper our relationship becomes, my insecurities get farther and farther away. All of those doubts that I once had, are faded memories. God has given me good people in my life. And that's part of the battle. You need people in your life that are encouraging to you. You have to make sure you are building your circle of support up of people that will build you up and give you that constructive critism when the time is right. You also have to realize that the people who bring you down constantly may not be the ones you need to spend all of your time listening too. Let's face it, we all tend to listen a little more to the negative but I encourage you to try focusing a little more on the positive. Just take a step back and look at who you are, insecurities and all. And know that it's okay for people to see that you are not perfect. It took me a long time to get to that point but who was I kidding? People already knew I was not perfect!! Please know that it takes more strength and more courage to let your insecurities through than it does to show your strengths. Our world views showing your insecurities and failures as weakness. But it's not until you can face those insecurities that you will truly become strong. God needs you to be you. The people around you need you to be you. I never realized how much I was carrying on my shoulders all those years I was trying to be someone I was not. But now that I am who I am and people accept me for that I am so much happier. So much happier than I was when I felt like I had to be perfect. Now I know and understand that I do not have to be perfect and that it's actually important for others to see that. People need to see that you do make mistakes but that you learn from them. So become who you are no matter who's watching. Don't get caught up in the idea that as a Christian you have to appear perfect. God takes you for who you are and don't forget that! Life is much better when that burden has been lifted. Trust me!
Monday, March 8, 2010
Not For Those With Weak Stomachs...
I am very thankful for this day. My morning started off really well with a work out and getting to work on time despite the long drive ahead of me. Met with some clients who were doing well and were excited about their clean time from illegal drugs and alcohol but also met with some who were anything but there. Overall it was a good work day.
My drive home was fabulous with all this sunshine!! Makes for the long trips to be much more pleasant. When I got home James had steaks grilling and a surprise for me on the kitchen table. He's so good to me. He doesn't over do it with the surprises which is good or else I'd expect it. But every so often out of the blue, for no reason, he'll have something for me. And it's normally waiting for me on the kitchen table. It was a Bath and Body Works bag with the spring collection scent called P.S. I Love You. Of course he got me the whole set :) I love that man. He has always known how to treat me. I remember when we first started dating in college how he would open the door for me and bring me flowers, a complete gentleman. I remember thinking..."let's see how long this lasts". And even after we continued dating, I would bring it up occasionally how long he thought he could keep up with the standard he was setting. Of course, he always said he would do it forever...and he has thus far. Sorry for you guys that are puking right now ;) But I don't know how God chose to bless me with such a good marriage.
I hope that Madison can look at us and know the standard she should set for her marriage. I pray she can look at her daddy and see the kind of man she deserves and know how a man should treat her. And I hope that I can show her how to treat her husband. Things are not always perfect, but then again this is a marriage. It's how we work through the trials that make our marriage that much better. Knowing that I can always depend on James to be there no matter what makes me secure in our marriage. Of course we all have those jokes where we say "will you love me if..." and that's always interesting. Well James finds it interesting to bring up my C-section with Madison. Giving birth is always an interesting topic but he found it quite interesting when he got to watch the C-section. I guess guys are like that but James thought it was the coolest thing to see inside of me!! Gross!! He talks about seeing the doctors just move my insides around like it was nothing!! Oh, and sorry to gross you guys out...I'm pretty grossed out myself.
But away from the gross stuff and back to the serious stuff. I know alot of marriages are not on the same track as mine. I've listened to people talk to me about troubles they were having and it makes me sad. I know my marriage would not be anything it is today if God was not at the center. I say that all the time but I truly mean it. I know that our marriage is what it is because we both work towards the same goal and that's to always serve God with our lives. So if you've made it this far in my blog I will assume you have a pretty strong stomach between reading the yucky gushy love stuff and the gross c-section stuff I'd say you're tough ;) Hope I haven't turned you off from reading my blogs!! :)
My drive home was fabulous with all this sunshine!! Makes for the long trips to be much more pleasant. When I got home James had steaks grilling and a surprise for me on the kitchen table. He's so good to me. He doesn't over do it with the surprises which is good or else I'd expect it. But every so often out of the blue, for no reason, he'll have something for me. And it's normally waiting for me on the kitchen table. It was a Bath and Body Works bag with the spring collection scent called P.S. I Love You. Of course he got me the whole set :) I love that man. He has always known how to treat me. I remember when we first started dating in college how he would open the door for me and bring me flowers, a complete gentleman. I remember thinking..."let's see how long this lasts". And even after we continued dating, I would bring it up occasionally how long he thought he could keep up with the standard he was setting. Of course, he always said he would do it forever...and he has thus far. Sorry for you guys that are puking right now ;) But I don't know how God chose to bless me with such a good marriage.
I hope that Madison can look at us and know the standard she should set for her marriage. I pray she can look at her daddy and see the kind of man she deserves and know how a man should treat her. And I hope that I can show her how to treat her husband. Things are not always perfect, but then again this is a marriage. It's how we work through the trials that make our marriage that much better. Knowing that I can always depend on James to be there no matter what makes me secure in our marriage. Of course we all have those jokes where we say "will you love me if..." and that's always interesting. Well James finds it interesting to bring up my C-section with Madison. Giving birth is always an interesting topic but he found it quite interesting when he got to watch the C-section. I guess guys are like that but James thought it was the coolest thing to see inside of me!! Gross!! He talks about seeing the doctors just move my insides around like it was nothing!! Oh, and sorry to gross you guys out...I'm pretty grossed out myself.
But away from the gross stuff and back to the serious stuff. I know alot of marriages are not on the same track as mine. I've listened to people talk to me about troubles they were having and it makes me sad. I know my marriage would not be anything it is today if God was not at the center. I say that all the time but I truly mean it. I know that our marriage is what it is because we both work towards the same goal and that's to always serve God with our lives. So if you've made it this far in my blog I will assume you have a pretty strong stomach between reading the yucky gushy love stuff and the gross c-section stuff I'd say you're tough ;) Hope I haven't turned you off from reading my blogs!! :)
Friday, March 5, 2010
My Friday Night Randomness
I have had such an awesome evening! Once I made it through the work day it was time to start my weekend!! I started it with a quick stop at Belk's where I found a pair of $60 heels that were on clearance and then got an extra 20% off for a grand total of $10!! Granted I can't wear them just yet because they are open toe shoes, but I'll have them just in time when the weather warms up!! After my breif shopping trip, I went to get my hair done and that was nice because I saw a friend I hadn't seen in years and I also got to hang out with quite possibly the best hair stylist ever!!
Driving home after all this I realized it has been forever since I took an evening for myself to get some things done. It was so nice shopping and buying something for myself and then pampering myself with a hair appointment. It's so important to slow down and remember to take care of yourself!! And with that said, I am officially beginning a series of chiropractor appointments that I have been putting off. Even with insurance, the copays are pricey, especially when you start out going three times a week. But after my migraine I had yesterday, I knew I couldn't wait any longer. So I'm praying that maybe the chiropractor will cut me some slack on how often I have to go or maybe even cut me a deal on the copay ;)
As you continue to read this blog you will realize how random my flow of thoughts are!! I just have so much on my mind tonight and if you're like me, that's pretty normal. I'm always working on one thing and then thinking about another!! But something I have wanted to say to everyone that reads my blog is thank you. Thank you so much for the encouragment you have been to me. I started this blog hoping to have readers who found my thoughts encouraging or maybe were able to relate with what I was talking about. I have gotten so many emails from different people who I never thought would even read my blog!! So thank you so much for taking the time to read and to give such encouraging words. Just knowing that I can use my life and my story and all my crazy thoughts to be a blessing to you is absolutely amazing!!
I also have on my mind my husband's grandmother Jan. She had surgery yesterday to have a bigger trake put in. The surgery was necessary but as with any surgery there were risks. James said tonight that there is a chance his grandmother may not be able to talk again and may have to always have a feeding tube. So while I'm so very thankful for God taking care of her and allowing someone to find her that day she collapsed, I'm torn with the thought that my husband may not be able to hear his grandmother's voice again. She lives in Ohio and we live in North Carolina, so phone calls are so very important. She is by far one of the coolest grandmothers ever. She calls James to talk about football and believe me, she knows her stuff!! But I just ask that you pray for her and the doctors as they continue this journey. I know that God has her in His hands and is taking care of her every step of the way.
Another thought is my weekend. I have been so busy that I have not slowed down to really clean my house this week. We have managed to maintain but you know how your house just gets to a point where it's time to do a good thorough cleaning!! Well ours is there!! This weekend is spring cleaning at this household!! Even Madison will have a part. She does such a good job with helping with laundry and picking up things. Of course, we normally have to sing the clean up song! And something else I'm hoping to do is revamp my grocery list. I have not done a very good job of utilizing the coupons that I have. Something that I want to do is start writing out a grocery list that allows me to buy things when they are on sell, instead of when I need them. I want to get better at utilizing my coupons and being smart about when the best time is to buy certain things. I want to be more responsible with planning out our meals a week at a time to ensure that what I'm cooking for my family is not only cost effective but healthy. I've always allowed my busy life to dictate what we eat and that's not working for us in either the department of health or money!!
So there you have it, my random thoughts for this Friday night. I'm so blessed to have the friends that I have. So incredibly blessed with the church family we are a part of now. They have truly been part of a healing process for us. I'm also blessed to have the family that I have. I have such an awesome husband and I am so thankful that God has blessed us with a marriage that works towards God. I don't know where we would be today if God was not at the center. So thankyou God for blessing me beyond measure and allowing me to be a part of so many special people's lives.
Driving home after all this I realized it has been forever since I took an evening for myself to get some things done. It was so nice shopping and buying something for myself and then pampering myself with a hair appointment. It's so important to slow down and remember to take care of yourself!! And with that said, I am officially beginning a series of chiropractor appointments that I have been putting off. Even with insurance, the copays are pricey, especially when you start out going three times a week. But after my migraine I had yesterday, I knew I couldn't wait any longer. So I'm praying that maybe the chiropractor will cut me some slack on how often I have to go or maybe even cut me a deal on the copay ;)
As you continue to read this blog you will realize how random my flow of thoughts are!! I just have so much on my mind tonight and if you're like me, that's pretty normal. I'm always working on one thing and then thinking about another!! But something I have wanted to say to everyone that reads my blog is thank you. Thank you so much for the encouragment you have been to me. I started this blog hoping to have readers who found my thoughts encouraging or maybe were able to relate with what I was talking about. I have gotten so many emails from different people who I never thought would even read my blog!! So thank you so much for taking the time to read and to give such encouraging words. Just knowing that I can use my life and my story and all my crazy thoughts to be a blessing to you is absolutely amazing!!
I also have on my mind my husband's grandmother Jan. She had surgery yesterday to have a bigger trake put in. The surgery was necessary but as with any surgery there were risks. James said tonight that there is a chance his grandmother may not be able to talk again and may have to always have a feeding tube. So while I'm so very thankful for God taking care of her and allowing someone to find her that day she collapsed, I'm torn with the thought that my husband may not be able to hear his grandmother's voice again. She lives in Ohio and we live in North Carolina, so phone calls are so very important. She is by far one of the coolest grandmothers ever. She calls James to talk about football and believe me, she knows her stuff!! But I just ask that you pray for her and the doctors as they continue this journey. I know that God has her in His hands and is taking care of her every step of the way.
Another thought is my weekend. I have been so busy that I have not slowed down to really clean my house this week. We have managed to maintain but you know how your house just gets to a point where it's time to do a good thorough cleaning!! Well ours is there!! This weekend is spring cleaning at this household!! Even Madison will have a part. She does such a good job with helping with laundry and picking up things. Of course, we normally have to sing the clean up song! And something else I'm hoping to do is revamp my grocery list. I have not done a very good job of utilizing the coupons that I have. Something that I want to do is start writing out a grocery list that allows me to buy things when they are on sell, instead of when I need them. I want to get better at utilizing my coupons and being smart about when the best time is to buy certain things. I want to be more responsible with planning out our meals a week at a time to ensure that what I'm cooking for my family is not only cost effective but healthy. I've always allowed my busy life to dictate what we eat and that's not working for us in either the department of health or money!!
So there you have it, my random thoughts for this Friday night. I'm so blessed to have the friends that I have. So incredibly blessed with the church family we are a part of now. They have truly been part of a healing process for us. I'm also blessed to have the family that I have. I have such an awesome husband and I am so thankful that God has blessed us with a marriage that works towards God. I don't know where we would be today if God was not at the center. So thankyou God for blessing me beyond measure and allowing me to be a part of so many special people's lives.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Living On Faith
Yesterday I blogged about my thoughts on faith and how extreme one could take it. Living a life of faith can be so very exciting and scary all at the same time!! But how else do we grow? How do we take steps forward? If we never take a chance then how do we know that we are truly living the life God has for us?
The Message version of Luke 17:5-6 says this about faith: "The apostles came up and said to the Master, 'Give us more faith.' But the Master said, 'You don't need more faith. There is no 'more' or 'less' in faith. If you have a bare kernel of faith, say the size of a poppy seed, you could say to this sycamore tree, 'Go jump in the lake,' and it would do it." I love how scripture has a way of putting things in perspective. This verse reminds me that I don't have to compare my faith or have a certain level of faith. If I even have just a small amount of faith then God can move in my life!! That's so exciting and so reassuring to me!! And to my friends out there who feel like they are just not quite there and have always compared themselves to other Christians who they feel have more faith...listen up!! Scripture says it's not a matter of more or less faith!! So stop making excuses as to why you can't take that leap of faith yet and just do it!!
I have been amazed at God's fulfillment of His word to me. I continue to pray for things that otherwise would be impossible and as I do...they slowly become possible. As I see these things happen, my faith grows. Which helps me to understand that even starting with the smallest amount of faith can lead to a life of such joy in Christ!! I am thankful for the scriptures that are a road map for me. I use to have such a hard time reading and understanding them but as I continue to take steps of faith, God continues to increase my understanding of His word.
God has been nothing but faithful to me and my family. We continue to experience an abundance of blessings as we seek Him. When things get tough in your life or you just don't understand the life you are living, seek God with all your heart. Read the scriptures and it's there where you will find your answers. Trust God with your life and you will be blessed.
The Message version of Luke 17:5-6 says this about faith: "The apostles came up and said to the Master, 'Give us more faith.' But the Master said, 'You don't need more faith. There is no 'more' or 'less' in faith. If you have a bare kernel of faith, say the size of a poppy seed, you could say to this sycamore tree, 'Go jump in the lake,' and it would do it." I love how scripture has a way of putting things in perspective. This verse reminds me that I don't have to compare my faith or have a certain level of faith. If I even have just a small amount of faith then God can move in my life!! That's so exciting and so reassuring to me!! And to my friends out there who feel like they are just not quite there and have always compared themselves to other Christians who they feel have more faith...listen up!! Scripture says it's not a matter of more or less faith!! So stop making excuses as to why you can't take that leap of faith yet and just do it!!
I have been amazed at God's fulfillment of His word to me. I continue to pray for things that otherwise would be impossible and as I do...they slowly become possible. As I see these things happen, my faith grows. Which helps me to understand that even starting with the smallest amount of faith can lead to a life of such joy in Christ!! I am thankful for the scriptures that are a road map for me. I use to have such a hard time reading and understanding them but as I continue to take steps of faith, God continues to increase my understanding of His word.
God has been nothing but faithful to me and my family. We continue to experience an abundance of blessings as we seek Him. When things get tough in your life or you just don't understand the life you are living, seek God with all your heart. Read the scriptures and it's there where you will find your answers. Trust God with your life and you will be blessed.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Faith or Stupidity?
Have you ever been at a point where one decision could change absolutely everything. I feel like I'm at that point. It's almost like it's a huge leap of faith or it's just plain crazy!! But as I remind myself of what faith is, it's believing in what you can't see. So at what point does it exceed a step of faith and just become plain stupid?!! I'm asking myself that question tonight.
God has never agreed to go by everything in my plan of action for my life. I've never really "enjoyed" the trials and redirections that I've experienced in growing in my walk with God, but I found them necessary and have grown to appreciate them later. There are times in life when you almost take a halt and realize that God has been trying to say "ok" all along. As if to say, "ok I'll give you the desire of your heart". But by the time we realize it, we're completely in aww and wondering if we've gone crazy!!! I know i'm not making sense but it's just something I've had to get out there. At what point does someone say they are acting out on faith when reality it was not faith but stupidity. I hope this does not come across as being harsh because it's not at all my intention but rather it's what's on my mind. I have taken some leaps of faith in my life but sometimes I think we get too content and almost forget to continue taking steps of faith. I find myself very comfortable in my life, almost too comfortable. And maybe that's why I'm struggling with this question tonight of faith and how extreme do you take it.
So I'm spending alot of time in prayer about some things. There are just so many things on my mind and so many exciting venues that God may or may not lead me down. I do not understand how anyone can say being a Christian is boring. My life is anything but!!!! But as I continue to search for answers and pray for God's direction in my life, I know that no matter what it will be a journey to never forget!! I know this has been by the far the most confusing blog ever but I had some things on my mind and got thinking about faith. And I guess when it comes down to steps of faith, you are truly the only one who knows your heart (besides God that is) and so searching for direction and taking leaps of faith can only be decided by you if it was truly a leap of faith or if you were just plain crazy...or maybe faith is crazy :) I guess that is what makes being a Christian so exciting!
God has never agreed to go by everything in my plan of action for my life. I've never really "enjoyed" the trials and redirections that I've experienced in growing in my walk with God, but I found them necessary and have grown to appreciate them later. There are times in life when you almost take a halt and realize that God has been trying to say "ok" all along. As if to say, "ok I'll give you the desire of your heart". But by the time we realize it, we're completely in aww and wondering if we've gone crazy!!! I know i'm not making sense but it's just something I've had to get out there. At what point does someone say they are acting out on faith when reality it was not faith but stupidity. I hope this does not come across as being harsh because it's not at all my intention but rather it's what's on my mind. I have taken some leaps of faith in my life but sometimes I think we get too content and almost forget to continue taking steps of faith. I find myself very comfortable in my life, almost too comfortable. And maybe that's why I'm struggling with this question tonight of faith and how extreme do you take it.
So I'm spending alot of time in prayer about some things. There are just so many things on my mind and so many exciting venues that God may or may not lead me down. I do not understand how anyone can say being a Christian is boring. My life is anything but!!!! But as I continue to search for answers and pray for God's direction in my life, I know that no matter what it will be a journey to never forget!! I know this has been by the far the most confusing blog ever but I had some things on my mind and got thinking about faith. And I guess when it comes down to steps of faith, you are truly the only one who knows your heart (besides God that is) and so searching for direction and taking leaps of faith can only be decided by you if it was truly a leap of faith or if you were just plain crazy...or maybe faith is crazy :) I guess that is what makes being a Christian so exciting!
A Racing Mind...
I woke up to a very unusual morning. I actually rolled out of bed at 5:15 which normally I'm up around 6:00 or just after. I got in a morning work out and even got to work before 8! Another unusual thing was there was snow on the ground when I left for work!! What a nice morning. Nothing like those days when everything seems to flow just like you had hoped!
But one thing that has not been going so good is Madison's childcare. It seems here lately that Madison more and more does not like going to her babysitter. This concerns me. Madison use to really enjoy her time there and get excited. Now it's a tearful morning when we drop her off. So I'm struggling as we continue to drop her off there and look for an affordable childcare alternative. I've researched some area Day Care Centers and one in particular I am really hoping to get her into. And of course the one I love is the most expensive! If we change child care options, we will be looking at paying $140 more a month. But the positive to this is the day care center will provide the food. Right now we are sending her lunches. Also, we would not have to drive out of our way to get Madison there like we do right now. I just want to make sure that as a working mom that I provide the best alternative next to me for her to be with during the day. Her happiness and safety are so very important to me.
I do not feel like something serious is going on but I just feel that Madison may be at an age where having a babysitter just isn't enough. I want Madison in a day care center so that she can get that constant stimulation of activities and other children her age to play with. I think that is why Madison loves church so much. Some babysitters may also provide this but I do not feel like this is the case where she is at. So I'm praying that God will continue to open doors for us and lead us to the right place for her. It makes a parent very sad when they have to leave their child at a place they do not want to be.
Also another thing on our minds is James' grandmother's health. She's is now in the hospital and they are looking to do another surgery to help correct the trake problems that she is having. She has already had multiple surgeries with the trake and as with any surgery, there are risks. So I ask that you especially pray for her and the doctor's that will be working with her. She is such a strong woman and such a pillar of strength for that family. I know that God be with her each moment.
Swoo! Sounds like alot on my mind today!! Just life that's all. Also thinking about what I will cook for dinner tonight (while kicking myself for not already planning that) and also thinking about getting better at using more coupons!! And of course as soon as I finish my break I will be thinking about work!! Seeking God as we go through different things and praying that God will lead us every step of the way no matter what we encounter. Now off to get my mind off of these things...
But one thing that has not been going so good is Madison's childcare. It seems here lately that Madison more and more does not like going to her babysitter. This concerns me. Madison use to really enjoy her time there and get excited. Now it's a tearful morning when we drop her off. So I'm struggling as we continue to drop her off there and look for an affordable childcare alternative. I've researched some area Day Care Centers and one in particular I am really hoping to get her into. And of course the one I love is the most expensive! If we change child care options, we will be looking at paying $140 more a month. But the positive to this is the day care center will provide the food. Right now we are sending her lunches. Also, we would not have to drive out of our way to get Madison there like we do right now. I just want to make sure that as a working mom that I provide the best alternative next to me for her to be with during the day. Her happiness and safety are so very important to me.
I do not feel like something serious is going on but I just feel that Madison may be at an age where having a babysitter just isn't enough. I want Madison in a day care center so that she can get that constant stimulation of activities and other children her age to play with. I think that is why Madison loves church so much. Some babysitters may also provide this but I do not feel like this is the case where she is at. So I'm praying that God will continue to open doors for us and lead us to the right place for her. It makes a parent very sad when they have to leave their child at a place they do not want to be.
Also another thing on our minds is James' grandmother's health. She's is now in the hospital and they are looking to do another surgery to help correct the trake problems that she is having. She has already had multiple surgeries with the trake and as with any surgery, there are risks. So I ask that you especially pray for her and the doctor's that will be working with her. She is such a strong woman and such a pillar of strength for that family. I know that God be with her each moment.
Swoo! Sounds like alot on my mind today!! Just life that's all. Also thinking about what I will cook for dinner tonight (while kicking myself for not already planning that) and also thinking about getting better at using more coupons!! And of course as soon as I finish my break I will be thinking about work!! Seeking God as we go through different things and praying that God will lead us every step of the way no matter what we encounter. Now off to get my mind off of these things...
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